i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
