Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
