Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
