dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
