I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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