The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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