I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
dude. I can hear the air.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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