Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
