haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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