Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
