my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
