thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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