She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
