What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
