felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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