just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
