i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
well you can't waste a boner
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Panties = found
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
