You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
