dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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