I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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