i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
