at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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