Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
