just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
