She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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