you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
