Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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