you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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