do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Success! We fucked roommates!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
