God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
