maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
