am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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