this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
