wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
