My friends, they love my intelligence
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
