Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
