her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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