I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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