ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
