So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
