I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
