no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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