I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
