The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
