a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
