Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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