Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
