someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
