the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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