a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
