I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
